Diving into Vulnerability

What I'm picking up from the many trailblazers out there, is the significance of being willing to be more authentic...which means more vulnerable.  Not just sharing the bright, shiny moments, which of course will still be shared with even more dedication, but also the moments that are unclear or challenging.  Being vulnerable and open, I'm learning, is one of the bravest and rewarding things we can do.  This courageous willingness can bestow the grandest gifts to everyone, especially ourselves.

I'll just go ahead and dive in!  Why not?  

I mentioned yesterday, my self-sabotaging patterns.  We all have them.  Most of the time, we are not aware of them.  You know when you find yourself in the same place over and over again, despite wanting and desiring it to be different.  It could be the same argument or frustration with a loved one, or having a goal in mind, yet finding yourself foiled by the same scenario once again.  Many times, the culprit in these disheartening moments in our lives, is a self-sabotaging pattern.  It's something that we learned in our past that is no longer serving our highest good.  It could be a belief we learned from our parents(and they learned from their parents), a perspective we chose in a challenging moment in our life journey or a number of other responses to life.  Whatever it was, it was probably helpful at one time, but at some point, it becomes kind of like "a broken record", it no longer works.  

A self-sabotaging pattern has tenaciously dogged one of the biggest priorities of my life, living my purpose.  Imagine this...I have this amazing inspiration moment full of ideas, creativity and enthusiasm, it's euphoric.  I then, jump into creating whatever it was that has me floating on cloud nine.  The fall...it could be an hour later or the next day, but I fall from that high place of inspiration, to the pit of discouragement, hopelessness, loss of confidence, "what was I even thinking".  Both experiences are intense.  Both seem exceedingly real.  Since the low point seems as real as the joyous moment, I have, in the past, responded by letting go of whatever it was I was working on.  Chalking it up to, "oh, I must have been wrong", back to the drawing board.  Our brains, our minds, are so very powerful.  Our reality is whatever we believe it to be.  

"Mama has a new bag of tools"!  Here's where I change the script.  I decided, with the help of the trailblazers out there, my support system (you) and the mysteriousness of life itself, that I was finally ready to move on from this pattern of mine that has stood in the way of shining my light fully.  The tools I'm using are:  a detective hat and a sword.  Whahahahaaa.  Yes, you saw that correctly, a detective hat and a magical sword, picture Excalibur.  I'll explain how I use these tools in the next post, because Greg is patiently waiting for me...it's time for us to go see our family in St. Pauls now.  Just as the picture shows, this is only the beginning of the dive.