A 5 State Wonder

We'll have sauntered through 5 states in our travels today.  Woke up in Georgia, Alabama for our morning drive, lunch in Mississippi and driving through a corner of Tennessee, right now.  The rest of our day and night will be in Arkansas.  We snap pictures of the signs when we can.  It's funny that the Tennessee sign is blurry in this collage, because we're feeling less than clear at the moment.

In our average day on the road, we can go through the gamut of emotions.  From easy like Sunday morning to white knuckled driving and murphy's law hounding our diesel stops.  Just a minute ago we sat at an intersection in Memphis through at least 6 light changes.  The state signs above summarize our day of driving perfectly:  Alabama was a cloudy but easy morning, Mississippi gave us a lunch break and smooth clear travels and Tennessee has caught us feeling a bit cranky.  The good news is, we won't be here long...in Tennessee nor in this mood.  That's one of the great things about life, it's always changing.  When I find myself feeling discomfort, distress or just not my best, I know that it's only temporary.  It will pass.  All things do.  Voila!  I haven't even finished this blog post and we have already shed our grumpy moods (breaking free from the traffic in Memphis).  Just like that, we can let it go.  By the way, Tennessee doesn't make us cranky, I love this state and all my friends and family in it.    It's never the state or situation, its how I choose to see what I'm experiencing.  My perspective determines what I experience.

Speaking of viewpoints, here's a glimpse into our little world when we travel.  In this particular pic, today, Captain had to be bribed to get up from his napping position.  I'm pointing to a treat waiting for him on the dash.  Below, you see our view through a travel-worn windshield, the welcome of yet another state!

We've covered major ground today, states of America or states of mind, we are intrepid travelers.

Zephyr of Love

Today begins our nomadic adventures for 2018.  We're leaving this paradise, our sanctuary, nestled in the loving fold of my brother's farm and heading West.

Westward to Vivvvaaaaaaaa Las Vegas!  It's grounding when you're a traveler, an adventurer, to have a home base that is abundantly full of family that loves you.  Everywhere we go, we carry that love with us.  Love we have from our family, our friends *you*, keeps us afloat.  The zephyr in our sails.

Home is where there is love.  It's there in that beautiful spot as my brother's neighbor, it's sitting in my aunt and uncle's kitchen last night, it's in Cary with our Hoffman family, it's in this truck as I type going down I-20W, it's in the interactions with you,  it's everywhere we go... because we are love.

And so are you.

Here's some of our send-off party today.  🎉💌

Last night at Libby and Don's

A Fly-By Sparkle Dusting

Something feels distinctly different for me this January.  I touched on it a few days ago.  It's like a knowing, a sturdy confidence, a clear comprehension that things are unfolding exactly as they should.  There's no need to worry or struggle as long as I'm listening to my heart, inner voice and inspiration.  I may have felt this at different times in my life but not on this level, not this constant.  I've definitely understood on a logical level for quite awhile that flowing with life is immensely rewarding.  Right now, the experience I'm having goes beyond understanding logically...I know it in my bones.  I feel light, happy and ready to be here, in my life, with my whole being.  Worries or thoughts that may have interrupted my desire to share my love and inspiration in the past, seem to have dissolved (or know the detective hat and sword will come out😜).  A relaxation and a spunk has become alight in me (even more than normal😎).  I'm not sure what brought it on, how long it will last but I tell you what, I'm going to enjoy myself to the fullest while I'm here!  

Through this blog (and whatever evolves next), I plan to keep you abreast of this fantastical journey!  My hope is that through sharing my quest with you, that maybe we both are "lifted to new heights of inspired experience"!  May we all realize just how much amazingness is packed into every moment.  May we continue to tap into our abilities, improving the world around and within us with our own special brand of awesomeness.  May we listen to our hearts and let them lead us into the happiness and the fulfillment of our dreams.  

*author Jan Spiller gave me that exciting sentence, "lifted to new heights of inspired experience".  

Sherlock Ferguson and the Wayward Thoughts

The detective hat and the sword.  They're strong symbols of the tools I've learned to use to navigate the self-imposed challenges I face.  When I experience an emotion or thought that is impeding the path towards my goal, the detective hat goes on.  It's a playful image that comes to mind that reminds me, it's now time to become curious about the thoughts that are dampening my resolve.  This is a game changer.  Before learning to don my detective hat, what I would do, is believe the words that are playing on that "broken record" I mentioned yesterday.  The moment that I'm describing is the pivotal point in recognizing the self-defeating pattern that has haunted me for years.

Here's how it goes:  I get excited, I mean EXCITED about an idea, make a few steps towards bringing the idea to fruition and then 💥BAM💥, 👉thoughts, feelings, dashed hopes👎.  In the past, I wouldn't even know what hit me.  The narrative running in my mind was so habitual and deeply rooted, I couldn't even see it very clearly...or I didn't want to see it.  Just putting on the detective hat changes everything.  Why?  It wakes me up from the sleep-walking like consciousness that has covered my eyes and kept me in my stagnant slumber.  I guess there's a part of me that thinks this pattern is protecting me.  My act of putting on the detective hat, tells my consciousness that I'm ready and willing to take the "broken record" off the player and throw away.  I don't need it anymore.  I'm strong enough.  It doesn't have to protect me.  I can handle this.  I'm done with this pattern.

The detective hat is my figurative light switch.  I turn on the light to see a room in my mind that I've been afraid to peer into.  The room isn't even that scary, I guess it's just cluttered and I haven't known where to begin to progress to my goal.  I become curious.  This word is powerful  Curious.  When we become curious, we shift our perspective.  Instead of holding onto a belief, a thought, a stance, a way of looking at something that may be keeping us from growing, we just become curious about it.  It's like that decision to be inquisitive automatically loosens the reins.  We become lighter, more flexible, less serious in that very instant.  That shift is pure magic.  I put my detective hat on and look at the thoughts running in my mind that have made me feel as if my idea is not worthy.  Here's some of the thoughts that I've had:  "I don't have anything worthwhile to say.  I'm not good enough, deep enough, smart enough.  My idea is crap".  It's understandable, no one would really want to look at those thoughts.  But not looking at them is precisely why they become powerful enough to stall me, us, everyone.  With my detective hat, I'm curious, I'm an onlooker, a witness to this train wreck of thoughts.  I can see them neutrally..."Oh, isn't that interesting I'm having those thoughts".  With the detective hat, being curious, I don't have to attach to these thoughts, I don't have to believe them.  I'm in detective mode, I'm trying to solve the mystery.  I've got things to do instead of get tangled up in these suspects.  

Suspect is exactly what they are.  After going into curious mode, which makes me brave enough and relaxed enough to look at thoughts like that with a sense of humor or just not taking them that seriously anymore.  They're just a bunch of delinquents loitering around the mystery that needs to be solved.  Then, I can see them for what they are, just wayward thoughts not contributing to a life that I want to live.  I can see them lovingly, knowing they were doing what they thought they should.  It's ok, they can be relieved of their spot to evolve to something even better.  I can have this kind of dialogue with myself when I'm not avoiding these thoughts.  This kind of dialogue can help me see more clearly what kind of thoughts will help me to reach my goals, not deter them.  In response to these wayward thoughts:  "I don't have anything worthwhile to say.  I'm not good enough, deep enough, smart enough.  My idea is crap".  The dialogue could go like this:  "So.  I want to say it, I have the desire, the yearning.  That's what matters.    If I have a burning desire to do something, I'm going to honor that passion and I'll do it to the best of my ability.  I'll not get caught up in comparison or stifling thoughts about whether it's worthwhile.  I'll just do it and keep going, and see where it takes me.  I'll not spend my time worrying or trying to determine if I'm smart enough, deep enough, good enough.  That would just derail me.  It's distractions.  None of it matters.  There's only one me, no one else like me, it would be a shame to withhold inspirations I feel just because I'm too busy trying to prove to myself whether these silly thoughts are true or false.  They're immaterial in my investigation."  This is where I dismiss them.  I lovingly tell them to go along their way.  They're not helping, anymore.  

After that interaction with Sherlock Ferguson, Adventure Ferguson skips along her jolly way into the horizon of her exciting, magical life.  

Sometimes, the hat has to come back on, even in response to some of the same lingering, loitering wayward thoughts.  That's ok.  Being the detective is part of this amazing adventure.  I like to wear my curious hat.  Have you wondered about the sword?  My Excalibur?  I didn't necessarily need it in the scenario I described.  The sword comes out when the unwanted guests don't get the hint.  Don't worry, it's not a massacre, it's just when I brandish it, everyone in the vicinity knows that a major clearing is about to happen.  Maybe I'll go into more detail on that soon.  Playing around in these shadows has me craving some sunshine.  I'm ready to frolic and venture into something fun.  Let's see where that inspiration leads me.  

Diving into Vulnerability

What I'm picking up from the many trailblazers out there, is the significance of being willing to be more authentic...which means more vulnerable.  Not just sharing the bright, shiny moments, which of course will still be shared with even more dedication, but also the moments that are unclear or challenging.  Being vulnerable and open, I'm learning, is one of the bravest and rewarding things we can do.  This courageous willingness can bestow the grandest gifts to everyone, especially ourselves.

I'll just go ahead and dive in!  Why not?  

I mentioned yesterday, my self-sabotaging patterns.  We all have them.  Most of the time, we are not aware of them.  You know when you find yourself in the same place over and over again, despite wanting and desiring it to be different.  It could be the same argument or frustration with a loved one, or having a goal in mind, yet finding yourself foiled by the same scenario once again.  Many times, the culprit in these disheartening moments in our lives, is a self-sabotaging pattern.  It's something that we learned in our past that is no longer serving our highest good.  It could be a belief we learned from our parents(and they learned from their parents), a perspective we chose in a challenging moment in our life journey or a number of other responses to life.  Whatever it was, it was probably helpful at one time, but at some point, it becomes kind of like "a broken record", it no longer works.  

A self-sabotaging pattern has tenaciously dogged one of the biggest priorities of my life, living my purpose.  Imagine this...I have this amazing inspiration moment full of ideas, creativity and enthusiasm, it's euphoric.  I then, jump into creating whatever it was that has me floating on cloud nine.  The fall...it could be an hour later or the next day, but I fall from that high place of inspiration, to the pit of discouragement, hopelessness, loss of confidence, "what was I even thinking".  Both experiences are intense.  Both seem exceedingly real.  Since the low point seems as real as the joyous moment, I have, in the past, responded by letting go of whatever it was I was working on.  Chalking it up to, "oh, I must have been wrong", back to the drawing board.  Our brains, our minds, are so very powerful.  Our reality is whatever we believe it to be.  

"Mama has a new bag of tools"!  Here's where I change the script.  I decided, with the help of the trailblazers out there, my support system (you) and the mysteriousness of life itself, that I was finally ready to move on from this pattern of mine that has stood in the way of shining my light fully.  The tools I'm using are:  a detective hat and a sword.  Whahahahaaa.  Yes, you saw that correctly, a detective hat and a magical sword, picture Excalibur.  I'll explain how I use these tools in the next post, because Greg is patiently waiting for me...it's time for us to go see our family in St. Pauls now.  Just as the picture shows, this is only the beginning of the dive.

The Quest Lives On

Gazing out of the window of my family's home in Cary, NC while millions of busy little snow flakes fall from the sky only to vanish once they touch earth.  Vanish or a transmutation?  It appears as if they vanish, but on closer inspection, they're just changing to a different form of water.  Changes happening all around us in every moment, yet it's easy to miss the magic abounding!

It's a new year and it seems there is something different in the air.  Yes, the new year is always a fresh start but I'm feeling a knowing deep in my bones.  It's a knowing and an ease, like I've come to a graduation of sorts.  A graduation of a passage in life school.  I feel a determination and a confidence in proceeding forward, letting go of all that no longer serves me.  Self-sabotaging patterns, namely.

I began this blog in 2010 and I find myself still wanting to share the quest I described then:
From Profile

"I'm here to chronicle this odyssey called life.  My plan is to remind myself every day to be present in my decisions, for they take me on my next adventure.  I hope to become more aware and possibly help others through this journey."

Much has changed since 2010, so much growth, so many adventures and so much love in between but the desire to share this quest we are all on has remained.  If you look at the history of this blog, you will see spurts of inspiration.  A post here and there throughout the years but nothing consistent.  I would feel the creative spark and the enthusiasm to share and just as quickly as that candle was lit, a  doubtful gust would blow it out.  The difference I feel in this moment is a confidence in my ability to move through these patterns that have stopped me in my tracks in the past.  I've been practicing, honing this ability since January 1st.  When describing this new and improved me to my close friends, I've said, "Mama's got a new bag of tools and she's not afraid to use them.".

I've decided I'm going to post here daily.  One day it may be a post like this, another day it may be a video like yesterday, some days it may just be a picture with a few words and who knows what else may come about.  I have the desire and will follow it through and let it evolve as it goes.  I don't know what it will all look like but that's thrilling in itself.

Since I began typing this blog post, the snow has changed yet again.  At that time, the snow flakes were dissolving to water when they made contact with the Earth.  Now, they are enduring as a sparkling blanket of snow on the ground.  I'm gonna do the same!  I'll flow, change and adapt each and every day but I'll also endure.  Transformations and steadfastness, movement in stillness, the ebb and flow of daily life with a dedication to be here now, with you.  Are you feeling similar stirrings?

I'm Back! New Moon Hello!